So how does one learn or teach self-control?
The more pertinent question becomes "What are we doing to help children learn about it?" Obviously, they need to experience what it feels like! Therefore, for children to practice self-control they need to be given opportunities to be in control.
Learning self-control requires lots of practice! Plus somebody needs to facilitate the learning by offering support, suggesting strategies and coping skills - especially when self-regulation is bound to be a challenge. That "somebody" refers to parents, teachers, other adults, and sometimes even peers.
School is a place where students must demonstrate ever-increasing self-regulation ability. Kindergarten provides the second environment (2nd to home) where self-control is demanded of them (ie. to wait one's turn, share physical space, or a toy, and engage in ACTIVE listening). ACTIVE listening means giving one's full attention and focus with their ears, eyes, and body.
In their first environment, which is home with parents, the 'wait time' (and therefore, self-control time) is often naturally shorter than in a classroom situation because there are fewer people involved. School creates a very demanding environment for learning these skills
because 'wait time' can be much longer or more complex due to pure numbers of those involved or due to the demands of the situation (ie. school bus' departure).
In order to facilitate this essential learning of "how to DO school", we often practise self-control through daily routines and games. We would like to encourage you to be increasingly aware of any effort that your child demonstrates in this regard at home and then reinforce it by rewarding them for their ability to wait, or control their bodies, or stop impulse-type behaviour. Please guide them with words of praise and suggest strategies for success.
Here are a couple of examples of exercises that we have done to help them learn what "self-control" looks and feels like:
1. Let the bubbles float! DON'T POP THEM!
(The teacher blows bubbles while students resist the urge to pop them.)
2. Keep the musical instrument quiet!
(Pass around an instrument without shaking or playing it.)
Naturally, we will reward the self-control exhibited during these games by popping bubbles and playing musical instruments afterwards.
Self-regulation is an essential life skill!
Experiencing, practicing and gradually increasing one's self-control, will help tame the natural impulsivity of young children. Learning to be an active listener, maintain spatial boundaries, and sit still are all required skills to successfully function in our society, particularly in the learning environment.
Thank you again for your efforts and support in this regard.
